1. It's not about you. Well, sometimes it is, but mostly it's about him, it's about us, it's about we. I find that I am happiest when I am serving, concerned about, or thinking about my husband. It's absolutely wonderful to have someone in your life that you can do that for. It's so much more than any of the family or friend relationships I've had my whole life. It's different this time, because we are a unit, whole and connected. And so, there can be no selfishness, because that will destroy everything. I find myself consulting Colten on everything, from buying a new pair of shoes to more serious things like cars and what's for dinner and . . . well, everything! It's almost easier accomplishing your own goals for yourself when you have a built in cheerleader for yourself, encouraging you and prodding you along. And you better do the same for him too! It's not about you. It's about him, us, and we.
2. Who cares if he puts the toilet paper roll on the wrong way? There is absolutely no use in arguing about such stupid things. There are instances when your husband does something different than the way you do it. Shocker! For one, he's a man, and also he grew up in a completely different house. So, just because he does the dishes one way doesn't mean it's wrong. I'll probably keep doing it my way, but heck -- why would I change him? He's doing the dishes! You're not there to change him. So, just because he's married now doesn't mean that Colten is magically perfect now, and I know for sure that I'm not either. Overlooking and accepting are handy tools, and so are communication and assisting. It's something I've learned that I know I really don't have the hang of yet . . . But I strive every day to look for all the good in my husband instead of being annoyed at the little things he does that might annoy me.
3. Assuming is the WORST. Communication is the best thing on the whole planet. Be clear! I've found how important to be specific and detailed when asking something of my husband to avoid miscommunication. What, where, when EXACTLY are really good questions. Also, secrets are retarded. He's your other half! Just confess your sins! It probably won't hurt, actually, it never does. Heck, when Colten came home and confessed that he bought a whole bunch of books, to make it even he let me buy a pair of shoes! (Okay, that only happened once. We don't solve ALL our problems like that.) Talk about all of these things . . . finances, school, important things to remember. If you do this, you'll never hear "I thought I told you . . ." and also you'll have a nifty and incredibly handsome planner to help you remember things.
4. Fall in love every day. I'm serious. Remember every day the way you felt when you first said yes over the altar. The best things to help with this are holding hands when you pray every day, going to the temple often (sealings are the best thing to do when you really need some help remembering), saying I love you every day, compliments and affirmations of the little and big things that each other do every day, long hugs every day, and willingness to solve issues.
I know, I'm not an expert. But with four months of marriage under my belt, I realize that there are a lot of things I never knew I never knew. The only way to really know is to know. Vague, right? It's like being married is this secret club that you don't really know about until you're in it. But if I had any suggestions for people who aren't married yet, it would be things that we've all heard before anyways: serve, look for the best in others, and make sure that you are the kind of person you want to marry. If you're doing those things, have an open mind about the way other people do things, and are willing to talk things through, you'll probably be just fine. These are things single and married people need to work on every day anyways.
Well, Happy Four Months, Colten.
You are so great, Sarah! Thanks for sharing.
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